Thought Roulette

Why is modern customer service such an insult?

Posted in Business by tk on December 21, 2010

If I have to say “Speak to a representative” one more fucking time I am going to sue something.

for Spencer with love and anticipation of an Olive Harvest

Posted in Sex by tk on December 20, 2010

 

Throwing out the trash shouldn’t have this many moral and intellectual gray areas

Posted in General by tk on December 19, 2010

I would like to be able to chuck my leftover fries [and maybe even the rest of that oversized cream soda] without  having to spend the rest of the afternoon in a fog of soul-crushing, existential despair.

There has got to be a better way.

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America: Your fruit plate is unholy!

Posted in Food by tk on December 17, 2010

To wit:

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– I don’t think that the type of melon I am being served technically qualifies a fruit — and is not officially recognized as an edible foodstuff in three-quarters of the European Union.

– Why so stingy on the berries?  I think for the ten dollars I am paying you for this fruit plate you can throw in some goddamn blueberries.

– I am not 90 years old. I don’t want any prunes or dates on/in/around the fruit plate.

–  Canned tangerines should not be allowed to within 20 yards of me. I am taking out a restraining order.

– A fruit plate should be served on a plate – preferably wide, and made of sturdy American china – not a bowl, or another piece of fruit.

– If I wanted a crudely-chopped Granny Smith apple to be the foundation of the fruit plate, I would fucking make my own fruit plate.

Tagged with:

I did this rainbow.

Posted in Aesthetics by tk on December 17, 2010

Startups with no revenue model annoy the hell out of me

Posted in Business by tk on December 16, 2010

You don’t have to look any further than that bastion of insider-Silicon-Valley-bullshit-peddling also known as Tech Crunch to find another article in the heap of stories announcing ludicrous fundraising rounds for companies that have no perceivable business model.

Look at this article about TWITTER’S LATEST ROUND to see what I mean. [note:  the swirling, money pit graphic is particularly apropos].

What happened to the notion that a company had to have a short term revenue model, financial forecasts, and a growth strategy based, not on an accumulations of eyeballs, but actual monetization!

Sure Twitter may pull something out of the hat, but at this point they are just a brilliant social news service with no real revenue stream,a burgeoning empire of overpriced employees, and an astronomical small-batch coffee budget .

“But what about the Sponsored Tweets!” you might exclaim.  Are you serious?  No fucking way am I going to buy the brand of pomade that some jackass celebrity keeps yammering about: no matter how elegantly mussed his hair looks. Not gonna happen.  Sponsored Trends you say? Even a worse idea.  I am not going to run out mindlessly to see “Little Fockers” no matter how many times you force it on me in the guise of something that people ARE ACTUALLY tweeting about, like Jake Gyllenhaal or: #analbeads.

I hereby challenge the lemmings of Sand Hill Road to stop rushing full steam ahead toward another cliff carved in the shape of the newest idiot “technology,” and start telling the snot-nosed Stanford kids – with some shiny new startup that the three nattering nabobs of the technoblogosphere are fellating like over-enthusiastic college coeds –  “Show me the money!”

Why are half the people at the airport dressed like hobos?

Posted in Aesthetics by tk on December 15, 2010

There was a time, long long ago, when people dressed up to fly. These days, half the people languishing with you in the security line are dressed like neglected kindergarteners, world-weary hobos, or worse – over-enthusiastic sports fans.

Why do people think they can get away with this?

Loyal reader, please do your part to bring back the golden age – as pictured in the TITLE SEQUENCE of “The Graduate”  [which also happens to be the greatest film of all time].

Papa Hemingway

Posted in Aesthetics by tk on December 13, 2010

God bless the Side Order Pancake

Posted in Food by tk on December 12, 2010

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Toast, Mill Valley, CA.

Too many breakfast joints take an inflexible position when it comes to ordering a single pancake, holding customers hostage to the over-indulgent “short stack.”  No wonder American obesity rates far surpass our peers in countries like Sweden where the single-serving pancake is practically a national past time.

Thankfully a few rare restos buck the trend, allowing patriots like me to boldly order a full American Breakfast [eggs, meat, toast, hash browns] – and have their pancake, and eat it too.

Okay. I take it back.

Posted in Food by tk on December 11, 2010

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See post entitled: “Pet Food”